(Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner - The Jesus Prayer)
It's been a dry and empty few weeks, with only reading, writing, and Aggie football dictating my life. Yet I've heard a word from God. I've been affirmed by brothers. I've seen hope in communities.
And I'm thankful for these (small?) mercies.
For the time being, my Missional Residency group has been practicing a "trial Rule of Life," and I decided to use my journals to create a daily prayer for myself. My journals are full of records of the mercies I've received, so I put them together.
The funny thing about mercies or gifts that we receive is that they often instigate responses. I can't receive a new and stylish shirt from my younger sister and not feel grateful. I have to wear the shirt, and therefore I actually become more stylish because of that gift, because I use that gift, because I become familiar with it. (Shallow and egotistical analogy, I know, but it still works).
I receive mercies from the communal God, and I cannot but respond.
So here is my response, as much a mindset and "way of being" than anything else:
"Before I speak, I wait in silence.
Before I ask, I give thanks.
Before I think, I pray.
And these I see:
Knowledge, yet Mystery;
Anger, yet Grace;
Fear, yet Trust;
Depression, yet Hope—
And I call them Beautiful.
For from Shame comes Honor;
From Detachment, Intimacy;
From Passion, Harmony;
From Chaos, Life;
By the Grace of God.
Lord, let me believe in You and your works.
Wisdom, let me hear your voice.
King, let my abundancies fill deficiency.
God who set each star in its place,
Let me learn to love the stars I am under.
Let gratitude be my attitude,
Even when there is nothing for me here.
Kyrie Eleison."
Also, some Mumford lyrics seemed to fit as a conclusion here:
Though I may speak
Some tongue of old
Or even spit out some holy word,
I have no strength
From which to speak
When you sit me down and see I'm weak.
—Mumford & Sons, "Not With Haste"
