The Follower

I'm not one for astrology, for fate, or spiritualizing every little thing that happens... But tonight, I saw a sign in the stars.

My Zodiac sign is Taurus, my sign the Bull.  We "Taureans" are supposed to be known as lovers of beauty, primarily, among other things like comfort and love and pleasure.  So, it would be fitting that I find the stars beautiful, and that I find comfort among them as well.

One of my favorite pastimes is to sit and watch the stars, with a pipe over which to mull if I can; with fire and friends, even better.  The brightest star in my sign, Alpha Tauri, is known by the name "Aldebaran"—taken from the Arabic al-dabaran, "the follower," because it is said to follow the Pleiades or "Seven Sisters" through the sky.  It's also depicted as the "eye" of the Bull.  When I don't know where else to look in the sky, when my thoughts are scattered and I just need a point of direction, Aldebaran is the point to which my eyes always return.

We need these points, do we not?  These familiars, these friends, who we know will always be where we can find them.  One point of consistency helping us see the greater picture set before us.

Maybe it's silly, maybe it's sad, maybe it's me just wishing I could be like one of the great mystics, but I have come to identify a bit with this star, Aldebaran.  Perhaps because I'm trying to be a follower myself.  Perhaps because I feel I've been chasing the Pleiades through the sky, and that the chase seems to have no end.

Tonight, if you looked up at the sky around 10 or 11 p.m. Central time, you would have seen one bright star shining right next to the Moon.  Yep, it was my star.  It was almost, but not quite, eclipsed by the bright Moon.  And from my house in the middle of Abilene, the Moon made it almost impossible to even see the Pleiades at all.  It was like the Follower's chase was over.  The Pleiades would never have let themselves be caught, but the Moon—the bigger, brighter, more luminous and brilliant and beautiful Moon—came right to him.  And in fact, the light of the Sisters could barely even be found anymore.

It made me think of what I had read earlier today from Gregory of Nyssa, in his The Life of Moses:
     "Such an experience seems to me to belong to the soul which loves what is beautiful.  Hope always draws the soul from the beauty which is seen to what is beyond, always kindles the desire for the hidden through what is constantly perceived.  Therefore, the ardent lover of beauty, although receiving what is always visible as an image of what he desires, yet longs to be filled with the very stamp of the archetype.
     "And the bold request which goes up the mountains of desire asks this: to enjoy the Beauty not in mirrors and reflections, but face-to-face."

The Follower had been chasing many luminaries, which even together were not bright enough to match his own brightness.  But when Luna herself came to him, it seemed the old lights had dimmed, and the brightest star in Taurus had been met by a luminary more bright and beautiful than any he thought it possible to pursue.

Let's be clear—I'm not saying I've met a Moon for my Aldebaran.
Not even sure that's what I think it means anyway, if it means anything at all.
But I saw a sign.  One that made me stop and stare.  One that made me smile, and feel a little hope that might just draw me into something beautiful, as Greg mentioned above.

And that's the kind of beauty that this Taurean wants in his world—the hopeful kind.

The kind that tells me that I should seek after my own Luna, whose brightness comes not from herself but the one she reflects.

The kind that makes me want to see that Light face-to-face, as Moses did, and that gives me the courage to follow it.

The kind that makes me feel free in singing a song to whoever may one day be by my own side, even though I have no idea who she is.  Synchronistically, tonight it just happened to be a song by "The Lumineers"...

"Be in my eyes; be in my heart.
Be in my eyes, aye aye aye; be in my heart.
So now I think that I could love you back,
And I hope it's not too late 'cause you're so attractive;
And the way you move,
I won't close my eyes...
Be in my eyes; be in my heart.
Be in my eyes, aye aye aye; be in my heart."

One Full Week

Beware low expectations—you just might feel foolish for having them.

Last Monday I began my spring semester with a five-day short course studying and practicing a system of governance called "Dynamic Governance" or "sociocracy."  I've had quite a bit of first-hand experience in it since April 2012, so I really only took the class to get 3 credit hours out of the way.  In fact, I expected to be doing more explaining to peers than learning anything new.

All that to say, I entered the week expecting to be bored.

I came out of it with gifts from God, a new desire to follow up some career leads, and excitement about summer opportunities.

I have two years left in seminary and no desire to make ministry my paycheck.  So I need some guidance, and God, being God's paradoxical Self, simultaneously gave me just that while not speaking to me at all.  I'll save the details, but God basically gave me a gift that I opened to find empty—which was exactly what I needed.  By not giving me anything, God gave me rest, guidance, and told me that I was trusted (metaphorically, to fill the empty container; literally, to make a choice).

And that's where it begins:  God tells me that I am trusted, that I am trustworthy, empowered to choose.  Which beings me to some choices to make.

First, I have desired to speak to some local experts in journalism about places to begin discerning whether I want to write for a career or not.  And due to a serendipitous e-mail, I had dinner with one of those people on Friday!  I came out with sage advice, encouragement to practice copy editing or find a freelance niche, and an established freelance writer to use as a resource.

Can I say how encouraged I am by that?  I've already signed up as a peer reviewer for ACU's Graduate School Journal and would love to try my hand as a General Editor next year.  Plus, if I had a dream for writing at all, it would be to have the freedom to travel, to find the stories I desired, and have someone pay me for them—freelance journalism at its finest.  Of course, that takes a lot of networking and other work on the front end.  So I have to choose whether or not to start that work now.

Now, remember that class by which I expected to be so bored?  Turns out even those low expectations became a smothering ruin under the fire of my own excitement.

Learning about this governance system, this style of (communal) leadership I might say, caused the old, dust-covered shelves of my Leadership Development and Theory undergrad education to begin to creak and groan.  I've been inspired, perhaps in the biblical sense even, to investigate those old niches of learning, the old papers and notes, because I intend to use this as part of my Field Education component this summer.  One idea for a vocational that I have had is to be a sort of bridge-builder or mediator within a network of faith-based organizations and house churches, and learning about this type of governance has made that very idea seem possible.

Now here's the poetical portion:  I started this blog solely because it was required for a LD&T class on volunteer (nonprofit) leadership; I intend to spend part of my summer in Los Angeles volunteering, observing, and researching a faith-based nonprofit there.

It's like I'm going in circles... and I think I like circles!  *shudder at the thought I might actually like NASCAR*

I would do this volunteer/observation time at HomeBoy Industries, a nonprofit that has services including a bakery, a diner, a coffee shop, embroidery, a farmer's market, legal and education services, and they seek to employ former convicts, school dropouts, and unemployed persons.  It seems they seek to heal the social wounds that trap many people in poor, gang-controlled environments.  It seems they also seek to heal the wounds keeping people from knowing God.

Holistic healing.
Holistic empowerment.
Holistic liberation.
Yeah, I could definitely be a part of that.

Now I just have to choose to make the necessary phone calls.

You've been too good to me this week, God.  Too good.
It certainly has been a full week.