From the Whirlwind

Well I am no longer neglecting this blog.  The time after my last blog has been full of writing papers, Thanksgiving, more papers, and final projects.  Now, thankfully, my semester of work is complete.

Hope has been busy as well!  As of 29 November 2010, I am now an experienced one-on-one Peer Counselor, no supervision needed.  The only thing that still daunts me is paperwork.

Last Monday, there were two male partners scheduled at the same time (which happened to be the final counseling slot of the day) to come in with the women seeking free pregnancy tests and peer counseling.  On this particular day I was the only male at the Center to counsel.  So we went one at a time, starting with whoever walked in the door first.  And let me tell you, the Lord ordained that order!

The first guy professed a strong belief in Christ, both for himself and his girlfriend.  His story was a mirror of many stories found in the American Church today:  they originally wanted to keep a pure relationship, failed, decided it wasn't worth fighting anymore, then reversed their decision and tried to stay pure again only to wind up at a Crisis Pregnancy Center.  He was very open, willing to give his story and tell of his faith, which makes it very easy to cover the Scriptures on sexuality and purity.  These guys are certainly less stressful conversations, especially since I totally understand the feeling that comes with wanting to live for Christ then finding out you really are a broken individual who is unable to control your own passions.

As Oscar Wilde said, "I can resist anything but temptation."

The realization that God had His hand in who walked through our door first hit me when I tried to talk to the second guy.  At first I asked him if he wanted to come talk, he declined and said he just wanted to know what was going on.  I found out what I could, which wasn't much other than his girlfriend was pregnant and abortion-minded (neither of which I disclosed to him immediately, because I believe that is up to the girlfriend), then he conceded to come back to a room and talk with me "if only not to be bored."

In respect to confidentiality, I will only say that this was a relationship where he was completely intellectual and she was very emotional.  He could not understand her, and he took offense that she would even consider an abortion.  The best response I could tell him was that, while having a plan and thinking situations through logically and practically is hugely important in life-changing situations such as having a child, people have a spiritual component that needs hope.  Sometimes, by holding her hand or giving her a hug when she feels down, that action can reassure her that she's not alone, and that there is hope for the future.  That hope can do so much more than any financial plan to help a troubled individual stand on their own two feet and press on in tough circumstances.

He told me that made sense, but that it just didn't make sense!  And I have to agree with him there.

He did not believe in God--in any religion, for that matter--and even said he had been hurt by Christians in the name of Jesus before; I could do nothing but apologize, and tell him how much it breaks my heart when people take a message of Love, Grace, Mercy, and Justice, and they turn it into one of "My way or the highway" condemnation.

To be clear, yes I believe there will be people who don't go to heaven.  If there were no consequences for evil action, then God would not be a just God, and therefore would be a corrupt God.  I even believe that there are people who do more good than bad who will not see the "pearly gates" because sin is an action as well as a state of being without God.  For those under the Cross of Christ, the Agony of that Sacrifice is our consequence borne through God's Mercy, and that gift has been offered to all people for them to accept or reject.

I told this guy that message, and that Christianity is not a "do good and go to heaven" religion; he told me he did not know that while he pondered my words.  That was one thing I loved about this guy, that he would listen very respectfully to what I had to say and sincerely mull over it for what it was worth, even though I am years younger.  Just a brutally honest yet totally respectful guy, and I love that.

So much more to that story that I cannot tell, and even more that I do not know.  Yet I will praise God because I know He loves them and cares for them, and I will thank Him for the order He ordains for the benefit of His children.

To sum up the theme of my recent time at Hope, both with Christians struggling to remain pure and with showing the core of Christianity to those who do not know it (that we are broken, can't fix ourselves, and need Christ as a perfect sacrifice on the Cross to defeat Death and pay our debt), I found this quote the other day by Tim Lane: "You don't behave your way into sinful responses, so you can't behave your way out of sinful responses. You worship your way into sinful responses, so you must worship your way out of sinful responses."

[edit 1 April 2013:  I do understand how "sinful responses" are behaved into being now; because our behavior is our worship.  So still the rest remains—worship placed where it belongs is a locus necessary to cultivate Kingdom life and lifestyle.]

Meaning we combat sinful RESPONSES, not Sin itself, with worship; Jesus is the only cure for Sin itself.

Romans 5:6-13, 19-21

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—⁸but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ⁹Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. ¹⁰For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. ¹¹More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

 ¹²Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned— ¹³for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law... ¹⁹For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. ²⁰Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, ²¹so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."


"sin is not counted where there is now law" = Would anyone actually want to live in a world where no one was held accountable for their actions?  It will be an evil world, one purely of chaos, when Man decides no action should have consequence.  So, like I said before, God must hold people accountable or else He would be a corrupt God.


"while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" = We obviously, then, cannot by way of our actions make ourselves pure or righteous, only by accepting the gift of Grace.  That Grace is the price paid for our wrong and evil actions, and for bringing us back into right relation to God.


"More than that, we also rejoice in God" = Right after stating we have been saved and reconciled, the very next thing the author mentions is rejoicing in God.  We worship Him in all actions because we are saved, and that will change our behavior from sinful to life-giving.




Long, I know, but it's been more than a month and I'm long-winded as it is.


More to come, so until then, here are some excellent words from Dietrich Bonhoeffer:
"We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or don't do, and more in light of what they suffer."


Be blessed my friends.

Doldrums

Absolutely no couseling/pregnancy appointments came in today.  So I read poetry.

Check this little number by C. S. Lewis:

"Lady, a better sculptor far

Chiselled those curves you smudge and mar,

And God did more than lipstick can

To justify your mouth to man."

All that to say, C. S. Lewis had some game.

It has come to my attention that I need pictures.  Not really sure what I could possibly photograph about a pregnancy center.  Obviously not the clients...  Perhaps the Ultrasound machine?  I feel like I am going to be restricted to those awkward pose pictures with the staff.

These thoughts bring up the idea of contentment for me.  When I watched the movie Marley & Me a couple of years back, I was struck by a scene from near the end of Marley's life.  Owen Wilson (as John Grogan) is walking with Marley up a hill along a trail.  Wilson keeps calling out, "Come on, Marley! Just a little farther."  Then, before reaching the hilltop, Marley sits down.

And once Wilson sits down and takes in the view, he admits that it's a good place to stop.

Which begs me to ask the question: how often are we so fixated upon climbing a certain mountain or reaching a goal that we desire that we miss the view around us?  When we are forced to stop or too tired to carry on, why do we forget to appreciate how far we did travel instead of how far we didn't?

"A joyful heart is a good medicine"--Proverbs 17:22

Become All Things

"I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some.  I do it all for the sake of the Gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings."  1 Corinthians 9:22-23

The idea?  Adjust.  Adapt.  Be sensitive to the world around you, see what needs to be done, and do it, all because of the hope found in the Gospel.

Mondays are the days I am supposed to counsel.  The good news is that life is unpredictable.  That's what makes it an adventure.

So on Monday, when I signed in at Hope, I filled in as receptionist again without any prompting from the coordinator or any explanation as to why the usual receptionist was not there.  And it was a hurricane of activity, let me tell you!

It was perfect, though, because there were no guys who came in for counsel on Monday afternoon.  So I found purpose, however unexpectedly, by being flexible and just jumping into a place that I saw a need.

It was more perfect in that it gave me more practice as a receptionist before I trained another new volunteer on receptionist duties (our coordinator was swamped, so I just took that duty myself).  Let's hope I didn't forget anything really important...

Additionally, the evening receptionist got to shadow a counseling session because I was filling her spot.

Wednesday proved much more subdued at receptionist.  I actually had time to think, and I reflected on how little opportunity I have had to counsel.

Simultaneously, I had been seeing just how essential the receptionist is to the workings at Hope Pregnancy Center by preparing all necessary paperwork for tests, counselors, and making the clients feel welcomed and in good hands.

So I am certainly finding contentment in a type of work that is much different from what I had hoped to be doing primarily, as well as grasping the transcendent importance of being flexible in whatever work in which I get to be involved.

Because when I "aspire to live quietly, and to mind [my] own affairs, and to work with [my] hands," then I will "walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one" (1 Thessalonians 4:11).

So that anyone who would then look at my life would praise the Lord God.

And that is the essential part of life.

Excel at the Ordinary

Mercy, peace, and love to you all.

This week taught me how best to work.  I spent my first shift at Hope handling reception--taking calls, making appointments, warmly greeting and processing clients arriving for their appointments, and making sure counselors have what they need.

Many might think working reception as a less prestigious job than counseling or managing, but if "God is in the detail," then the receptionist's tasks are certainly of utmost value.

I actually took my first appointment call before I had finished learning the ins-and-outs, so under fire I was baptized and initiated into the hallowed society of Hope Pregnancy Center volunteer receptionists.

"Barrett, you're a natural," said my volunteer coordinator.

I actually have been "trained" in that before when I was an office aide for my high school secretary in my senior year.  It was my second-favorite class that year.

Now I know what information I need for appointments, how to schedule them correctly, how to look up client information when they arrive so that counselors can have files on hand and how to prepare all the paperwork for pregnancy screenings, counseling sessions and more.

The truly funny part--and I mean funny in the joyful sense, specifically the joy brought by the Holy Spirit of God--is the synchronicity of this work with current events in the rest of my life.  Two seperate Bible verses have come up multiple times in the last week, and I do not believe in coincidences.

The first was the story of Moses, the man who was the leader of a subjugated people as they left the land of their oppression into their own homeland.  Moses had a privileged life, he knew he would be an instrument to deliver his people, but before he could ever see that potential realized he was a shepherd for 40 years.

A shepherd.  Forty years of daily labor.  Forty years of smelly manure.  Forty years of protecting the dumbest and most defenseless creatures on the planet.

And then he became one of the most well-known, influential and revered men of human history.

The second Bible verse came up both from the Breakaway Bible study AND the devotional I follow called My Utmost for His Highest (the second-most read book in the world, behind the Bible).  This time it was 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12.

These word's of Paul tell Christians to "aspire to live quietly, to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands."  He says don't pick a job because of the honor it will bring you.  He says keep your business in order, and that you should focus on the small and ordinary details of life.

Because "the discovery of God lies in the daily and the ordinary, not in the spectacular and the heroic," as Richard Foster would tell us.

These lessons have come in very handy in my immediate situation because I have neglected my search for graduate work.  I still need to decide what I want to do, where I want to go, and what all I need to do to get there.  While I've done some research, the process has stagnated recently.

I know I have been privileged, much like Moses' early life.  I know I have been given gifts to help people, perhaps in great ways.  I want to realize that potential, and my vanity would tell me to go for the honor or prestige or financial security ("I only want enough.  Is that so bad?").

But what I see here tells me that even if I am forced to go tend sheep for four decades, God still has a plan that could very well use me to affect the lives of His people for thousands of years.  Or not.  Either way, whether I live or die He will be my Good Lord.

And knowing that, now I can take the ordinary things in life--like hanging up clothes after doing laundry--and make sure I do them well.  Excelling at little things proves that I am ready to handle bigger things, and it all brings glory to my God.

Wrecking Ball

"To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, to Him be glory."

Yesterday morning I spent another four hour shift at Hope.  Yesterday was a day in which I desperately desired for that name to be true, for our center to truly be one that brought hope.

Yesterday I watched a man's life get hit by a wrecking ball.

As a training male counsel, I never get to talk with, or even see, the women who come to the center. But I got to see a man wrestle with his future, with his desires, with his morals and what he knew to be the right thing to do and yet, because the right thing is often so hard to do in our minds, he did not want to face his own convictions.

As I am bound by confidentiality, I cannot say more.

What I can say is that I had a deep desire to tell him things would be alright.  But that would be false hope. Not because things will not be alright, but because things can often get worse before they get better.  I truly do believe that "for those who love God all things work together for good."  I truly believe the Creator of all things works intimately with even the smallest details of our lives, like any good painter would care for the details of his creation.

I had a deep desire to show him how things could work out.  But that is not for me to thrust into anyone's life.  I give the counseling information that I can when he can take it.  But after seeing an ultrasound of the baby... I have never felt anything hit me the way that I know seeing a picture of my child will hit me.  Everything will change, and for the men who come in that situation, everything does change.

Already it's amazing to see how little information people have about things like "the pill" (yes, you can get pregnant on the pill; they actually reduced the amount of medication in each pill to stop the side effects but that makes it much less effective, some studies say less effective than condoms).  Planned Parenthood doesn't tell women what actually happens in any of the abortion techniques.  Yesterday, I watched a video that was shown to Congress a few years back, and in it I saw a live abortion.  I will be forever scarred, not by the video, but by the truth shown in the video--that these so-called "doctors" who have taken an oath to do no harm not only break that oath, but some admit to taking pleasure in doing so.

This is a jacked up world.  But the truth I've seen at Hope is that there is good, and that bad can even be turned into good.  To see women, so scared of this new and life-altering event, embrace that desire to nurture life that every woman has--that gives me hope.  To see a man, watching his vision of the future fall to pieces, hold his pregnant partners hand in tears--that gives me hope.  Hope that even in fear of facing "mistakes," and I use quotations very intentionally there, people find strength.  Something within them that says, "You know what you must do.  And I will help you do it."  That paradox, of strength in the throes of fear, is just another instance of the life of my paradoxical (and never contradictory) Lord manifesting itself into our world.  And His is a life that brings life from death.  From dreams deferred, He brings new ones, and may even resurrect the old if He deems it need be done.

"You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy.  When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.  So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you."  John 16:20-22

Be blessed today my friends

Into the Fire

(insert Scottish accent here) Hope everyone's having a grrreat day.

Yesterday was my first volunteer shift at Hope.  Finished up paperwork, did an interview and shadowed Ryan for a few hours.  Actually got to sit in on a counseling session with a guy who came with his girlfriend, and he was really hoping for a positive pregnancy test.  The guy just wanted to be a dad, and I can definitely appreciate his value of human life.

I am completely empty today.  Reading all the material I could, counseling, learning procedure, and memorizing names wore me plum out for five hours yesterday, but it was all well worth it!

One thing I noticed yesterday really caught me off guard, but I am glad it did.  I have grown up in a Christian culture, I know and love God and because of His grace get to experience life with Him daily, but yesterday for the first time I was given the opportunity to put myself in the shoes of someone who has not grown up how I did.  And you know what I learned?  The Gospel of Christ is weird.  To those who are not in its fold, at least.  I liken it to being an Aggie.  There are so many things we call tradition--yells, mugging down, saying "Howdy"--that to everyone else seems weird, but to us tells us that we are family.  That we are a part of something special, something transcendental and greater than ourselves.  And it makes me fall in love with this place called "Aggieland" even more.

This same phenomenon also causes me to love Christ more and more the more I learn about Him and how much different He has made me.  And I know I am not done changing and growing--never will be.  But yesterday, I got to see how weird I am because I am in that Gospel that is so weird to everyone outside of it.  It makes me happy to know that now, not because my weirdness in any way makes me better than anyone but because it helps me understand the best way to tell people about it.  And that, my friends, is through the message of hope that stems from the truth of Jesus and is completely bound in the context of the love He showed to all of mankind.

"Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves."  The message of Jesus is weird enough and convicting enough on its own to make people uncomfortable, and that's why I am to be like a lamb among wolves when I speak about him.  I pray I can be lamb-like while at Hope, if for no other reason than the people in crisis who come there need the kind of compassion.

Thanks for taking time to read my thoughts, and I pray God blesses you through them.

Processing with Time

I finished my training for HOPE yesterday, but have not had the energy even to type a blog entry until now.  My mind has been on overload: trying to remember all of this new information, worrying about how my schedule will work out, nervous about attempting to counsel men in dire situations, excited about the chance to show the compassion that I have been shown both by Christ Himself and those who also know Him.

The parts that stick with me the most are all the details regarding the risks of abortions, how quickly babies develop all the parts of the body, and the testimonies of women who have aborted who wished someone had told them it would not have solved their problems but only cause more pain and injury.  I know without doubt I have been given a chance to help people in the darkest of situations (because guys involved in these decisions hurt, too, if they would only admit it).  This perspective makes me wonder where I've been and what I've been doing not paying attention to exactly how much pain is in the world around me.  But now, thankfully, I've been given some light, and I will walk the path towards the broken because that's where my Savior walks.

Mark 9:22  "...But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us."

In whatever comes your way, know there is a God that transforms mourning into dancing, and ashes into crowns of beauty. (Psalm 30:11; Isaiah 61:3)

Be blessed this week.

Moving with GRACE

Howdy ya'll.

Grace, mercy, and peace to you.

So last night began my training at HOPE Pregnancy Center began.  Out of fifteen volunteer trainees, there are two guys.  The contact I have made at HOPE, a paid staff member, told me that the training began at 6:00PM last night and that I did not need to fill out an application beforehand.  Both of those statements proved to be erroneous.  I showed up at a time that I thought was early but was, in fact, 45 minutes late.  Ryan spoke to the Manager, Bren, who he described as a "stickler for doing things by the book."  It looked like my opportunity at HOPE would not be coming to fruition after all.

Thanks to Ryan, my contact, explaining the situation and vouching for me, I was able to join the rest of the trainees.  And I truly am thankful, because from only three hours of watching videos and some discussion I am already certain that working as a volunteer counsel will be exceptionally challenging and fulfilling for me.  God moves towards the poor and peripheral people in this world, and I want to move with Him.  The Proverbs say that I "must defend those who are helpless and have no hope."  And this volunteer opportunity will put me in position to do just that.

Am I nervous?  Sure; I'm helping people through a situation that I have never experienced.  But I am also confident in the training and experience that I am being given.  I am confident that I am a good communicator of my compassion, which in some cases will be the most important thing to the poor-spirited clients that come through our door.

I can't wait to see the healing power of the Lord at work in ways that will defy logic or science.  He has already shown His Grace to me through the flexibility of HOPE to let me volunteer even though I did not do everything "by the book."  And I will keep that humility close to heart, because I know it will be a blessing to anyone with whom I will come into contact.

Do good by those around you today, and do it without expecting repayment.  That kind of selflessness is the most powerful human agent of change in this world.

Shalom

Moving Toward HOPE

May grace and peace be multiplied to you.

Greetings all.

Here begins the record of my first blog.  The purpose: to give testimony of my time volunteering at HOPE Pregnancy Center in College Station, Texas.  I have met a worker there who told me they are in need of guys to help counsel the men who come to HOPE seeking help.  I will be speaking with him tomorrow about when to come in for training, orientation, and about interviewing and shadowing the administrator there.

This will be a major light upon the currently darkened path before me that is my future.  I have thought about pursuing a Marriage & Family Therapy degree in graduate school, and at HOPE I will gain experience listening to hurting and troubled individuals, and to what extent that I can, offer some counsel.  As I am not a trained counselor, all I will do is provide a sounding board for people, offering them the chance to get their own thoughts out in the open and hopefully gain perspective in their circumstance.  Other than that, I have no idea what my time volunteering will bring.  But then, that is without doubt the best way, "for the chief pleasure is surprise" (G. K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy).

My mindset going into this can be summed up by a quote recently given to me: "Past the beggar and the suffering walks he who asks, 'Why, O God, do you not do something for these people?' To which He replied, 'I did do something; I made you.' "  I have been given much without paying; therefore, I am compelled to give with pay.

Peace to all of you.

Song of the day: "All in All" by Lifehouse