My meeting this week with my supervisor,
Phil, served as a major balm to some of my summer’s agitation. Just having a supervisor now feels a
relief in itself; being able to
talk to an “undercover missionary” working as an educator in a prison a mere
few blocks from my own context actually has blown a bit of wind into my
doldrummed sails.
As I was pondering the vague position in
which I have been left for now at Homeboy, rife with feeling “clueless” and
“out of place” and wondering what to do, Phil spoke a word that forcefully
reframed my view.
“What a
place to be with the Lord, right?”
What a place indeed. He made me remember, as I had not in
the past few weeks, times I had been here before—deciding on colleges after
high school, failing out of A&M, being led back into school there, then on
into seminary without any expectation of what I would receive or what I would
do when it was over.
Really, he reminded me that this feeling
I have been having in Los Angeles is in microcosm what I have been feeling for
a couple of years now. And I find this a hopeful place. Why? Because continually
God has provided life, community, challenge and opportunity in these years of
vocational and educational and geographical wandering.
So I wander on. I do not have to be completely put
together (the embracing of which will actually make me more like those whom I
am befriending and serving at Homeboy).
I feel liberated to “not have to know everything,” to “ask the dumb questions,”
as Phil also guided me.
Correspondingly, what today began as an
overcast morning has become a warm, breezy, California summer day.
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